I had a dream last night that Is expressive of my feelings towards my parents. In the dream I am talking to someone about what we had to do to get a new tire for a police cruiser under a shop foreman there named Bill one of my fathers friends .My dad in the dream said Bill should have fired you I replied to dad I wished you had rolled over and shot me on the wall. People will say this is outright Hatred and it may be. I had Toxic parents and a wonderful toxic life without much encouragement. Marshall my little brother was their golden boy. There is a book that says “Honor your father and mother that you may live long in the land. Fathers do not provoke your children to anger.”
My dream expresses hatred toward my parents but is not hatred and anger from the same emotion? The Jews hated the Nazis so much that they are still hunting them even though they are in there early 100's. You cant even use the word Negro because of the hatred associated with it . In Spanish the word Negro is Black La pantaloons’s negra. The black pants. In German it is Niger for black. I still remember a old movie starring Sammy Davis Jr in which the Germans have infiltrated American lines and in American uniforms. Mr Davis will not let a car load of American Officers come past him because they do not know the pass word . One of the officers said finally get out of our way you filthy Niger Mr Davis arrested the imposters. Someone ask him how did he know he laughed and said you will never understand. It was the Nazi Hatred and anger toward Black men that caught them.
Funny my brother calls mother every day but only once a month does he come see her. I see her more often and come when she calls but I do not call often. Jesus himself said Father why have thou forsaken me? So even the son of God must have to have known this feeling so I can be forgiven.
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