Death

01/12/14 Death

I am 58 now will be 59 next month. I am on disability and virtually no money to do anything but eat on. I have bills that will never be paid. I live in a small house on a small piece of land. I have 4 grown children and only one of them contacts me.

There are times when I do not take a bath but once a week. I sometimes do not leave my place for a couple of weeks at a time. I have had one heart attack. I had a blood vessel pop in my head and cause a wreck for me. Now I am paying on another truck and so I have no money.

DEATH IS WELCOME TO ME. Any dream or aspiration I may have had has been long stomped from my soul. I had a mother that well she was as domineering pushing controlling and destructive. She does not understand IT FUCKING HURTS TO SEE HER. I do not go to her house.

I remember her encouraging words to me and wonder the ones spoken when I was under 7 years of age that may have destroyed my foundation, “How in the hell are you going to college you barely graduated high school” I left college as a senior.

I guess I am as close to a hermit recluse as you can be without climbing a tall mountain in Tibet somewhere. I like people it is not that. I am just so beat hammered and don’t see much reason to fight up the stream. Like a Salmon that exhausted itself on its clime home to breed I am one of those who did not make it.

I guess I believed the LIES my mother told and the other people in the Church of Christ, that life should have goals and a reason for being. Well my reason is to wait on Death now. There is nothing I can do to change this. My mother to a great extent by insisting things go her way to some degree is responsible. She did things like calling my wife and I back from North Carolina telling us there were jobs in Abilene Texas and there were none, she lied for her own self interest. My wife and I had jobs there and money in savings too. She with her lie took that.

Like the man too long locked in solitary confinement or beaten daily, my spirit and soul wait the retrieving hand of God. I have no chance of ever seeing my children or grand children. I have found I can eat one meal a day most days. Sometimes I do not check the mail box for three days. There are days like this one that I will not leave my house at all. No I am not depressed. Just a realist. As an example of my mother's gifts that don't give. She paid about $2,500 for a building for me to work in and it is 14' by maybe 10' for the same money she could have gotten a steel sea box that is 53' long and 108” wide, but her money her building. She took me to enroll me in welding school said this was my only interest. Well this lie hurt me and limited me in the amount of money I could make.

I was 18 interested in photography, firearms, and wanted to be an auctioneer too. I have heard of other mothers like mine and it always seems that the offspring stop seeing them. I do know that if I found a reason a goal a something to do I would not wait for only death. This loving mother paid to have a tank cleaned out for me on my land the tractor operator fucked her out of a tonne of money. He would show up at 1000 or 1100 and leave by 1500 some days 3 maybe 4 hours worth of work and charged 25,00 dollars. I said nothing because I long ago learned talking to Johan Green is like talking to a fence post. Her money her way her loss. After all I lost a wife and grand children because she flew them to Oregon with her money!!!

alone

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The needs of the Few

01/10/14 Our Country is now in a UPHEAVAL caused by a stupid President and a Dummer congress and Senate.

Leonard Nimoy said to William Shatner in one of the Star Trek movies “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few”. When Spock was in the chamber of the Enterprise dying he again said “Jim the needs of the many outweigh the few or the one” What ever you say this is how it has worked in our country from day one. Abraham Lincoln said you will never help the poor by pulling the rich down.

Now Obama(O MUSLIM, O COMMUNIST) is trying to do what did not work for Joe Stalin, Mao, or any other country. DO NOT GET ME WRONG I WISH THERE WAS A WAY FOR ALL IN AMERICA TO HAVE THE VERY BEST HEALTH CARE!!! But destroying a system that takes care of 90% of the people will do no more but reverse Spock's statement to “The needs of the few or the one outweigh the needs of the many”.

Obama must be a Muslim because Jesus Christ invented and lived out the statement of Spock as first mentioned: “Jesus died so ALL could go to heaven” even if you do not believe in GOD and you think Jesus is a Myth, then like other myths say “King Midas of Persia” it proves a point.

Look Texans and Americans if we allow Obama and our elected officials to do what they propose then we should bulldoze the Alamo and other landmarks where the few gave for the many. YES I SAID IT ALL EUROPEAN GRAVE YARDS OF U.S.GI'S IN WWI WWII. Those millions gave all for the greater masses of people.

I was in a college class in 1976 and someone ask about the guy working in a tire shop for a $100.00 per week. The professor said you can't worry about him. I am writing this I am also one of the FEW!!

I have no idea how many homeless there in this country but making them billionaires will not ease poverty. Poverty is the crucible that makes great men. Take the hot potato out of young Lincoln’s hands and give him a warm limo to ride to school in, instead of fighting the cold and his poverty, God knows there might be a North North United States and a Confederate States of America.

What we do know is Abraham Lincoln was poor and worked to over come all the way to becoming the 2^nd president in importance on historians list. It will be a shame and a slap to all who gave all if Obama succeeds in turning this great land into a North Korea! Obama plays basket ball so why don’t he go with Dennis Rodmen and do some real work for the American people.

DISASTER

01/09/14 Disaster

This is the part of my life that was harmful to me too. I married Victoria a 23 year old I was about 42. Our break up and problems were my fault totally. I fell for a guy dressed as a woman. My fault she left for Dallas to stay with her grand mother and working for a truck stop. She got knocked up by a black man. We got back together until after the baby was born. I was on the road in a truck when he was borne. It fucking hurts when you hope it is yours praying it is and it is not yours are told. Her sister told me the baby was brown.

Then there was Linda and we were suppose to be swingers. We took normal wedding vows at her insistence. We attended the first meeting of a group called “Temporally Yours”. Linda spent the next day while I was working 11 hours writing an email getting me locked out of this group. Well some military men lost all and Linda did too she told me. I told her everything you had for everything I wanted to do. The owner of the group lost her child I was told too. A judge in San Angelo prodded by her ex husband got the electronic records about the group and ruled custody of the child to the father.

Sex love and people can cause harm. Me I do not trust now very easily and am alone except tor Taz an Alaskan Husky. Tass loves the cold and me. I live alone on 60 acres with Tass knowing there will never be a woman again. I guess I blew my chances.

For those of you who play with male chastity

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1. Use It or Lose It You need to have erections regularly to keep your penis in shape. “It has to be essentially exercised,” says Tobias Kohler, MD, assistant professor of urology at Southern Illinois University School of Medicine.
To maintain a healthy tone, the smooth muscle of the penis must be periodically enriched with oxygen by the rush of blood that engorges the penis and makes it erect, Kohler says.
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If a guy is physically able to get erect, but never has erections during the day — maybe he finds himself in very un-erotic circumstances for a long time — he needn’t worry. The brain has an automatic penis maintenance function built in.
Impulses from the brain cause erections during the dreaming phase of sleep, called the REM phase. It doesn’t matter if you’re having a hot sex dream or a zombie apocalypse nightmare — your penis gets hard during that period of the sleep cycle.
But some men are physically unable to get erections, such as those who’ve suffered trauma to the nerves involved or who have nerve or blood vessel damage caused by diabetes.
"If they don’t do anything to maintain normal erections, they will get shortening of the penis," Kohler says. Without regular erections, penile tissue can become less elastic and shrink, making the penis 1-2 centimeters shorter.
A device like a vacuum pump, which forces the penis to swell with blood, can help men with physical erection problems maintain a healthy penis, Kohler says.
2. Your Penis May Be a ‘Grower’ or a ‘Show-er’ Among men, there is no consistent relationship between the size of the flaccid penis and its full erect length.
In one study of 80 men, researchers found that increases from flaccid to erect lengths ranged widely, from less than a quarter-inch to 3.5 inches longer.
Whatever the clinical significance of these data may be, the locker-room significance is considerable. You can’t assume that a dude with a big, limp penis gets much bigger with an erection. And the guy whose penis looks tiny might get a surprisingly big erection.
An analysis of more than a thousand measurements taken by sex researcher Alfred Kinsey shows that shorter flaccid penises tend to gain about twice as much length as longer flaccid penises.
A penis that doesn’t gain much length with an erection has become known as a “show-er,” and a penis that gains a lot is said to be a “grower.” These are not medical terms, and there aren’t scientifically established thresholds for what’s a show-er or a grower.
Kinsey’s data suggest that most penises aren’t extreme show-ers or growers. About 12% of penises gained one-third or less of their total length with an erection, and about 7% doubled in length when erect.

Tradgy that was my life

01/08/14 Tragedy, that is my life of mistakes!! If you have read my blogs you get the idea not because I have not given it I have put forth that I have been wronged, hurt, used, abused, and burned. I have but not without my mistakes too. We all float on a vast ocean of humanity in a life raft of mistakes committed by us.

Nikki Mitchell the first real love (Puppy Love) almost my first sexual experience if we had not both chickened out. My big mouth talking about that killed us and broke her heart too. She was older I was younger perhaps it would have not gone to life long.

Diane Coots my best friend in high schools sister. I had come home from the Marines and fell head over heals for her. She took my virginity. I wanted her as my wife and ask her several times. I did not know that her stepfather to be fucked her before I did until 25 years later. Her mother married this man with Diabetes and at the time one leg. Diane married his son. My friend her brother last time I spoke with him will not go see his mother or let his children close to that old pedophile. Seems he did an 11 year old and was tried for it In Jones County Texas but not sent to prison. Notice the Tornado wake of destruction of one bad despicable human.

There was Susan Gecho in college I married her a had a daughter Sarah Serenity Green(now Gobbs). I loved Susan but her Grandmother that raised her. Floy came to our home in winters Texas and got Susan and Sarah breaking up my marriage too. Told her that her mother was crazy Floy Hobbs followed Susan's mother across the states and broke up one more marriage leaving two children wards of the stet of Utah. Floy Hobbs and Susan were staunch Church of Christ members of Love Lane Church of Christ in Bozeman Mt. Floy's daughter married a prison guard in Arizona who I was told when Floy came to break this one up stuck a shotgun in her face and invited her to leave his door or enter St. Peters. This family adopted a child, I guess crazy people get to adopt too. Or Floy was sick crazy one!

I was god knows what when I met Cindy Stidolf now don’t know her name. We had problems MY FAULT. I was undiagnosed Bi Polar, ADULT ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER and not too stable. My Bitch or a mother paid for her to fly away to Oregon. My mother is also Church of Christ staunchly. My bitch of a mother always told me to mind my own business and leave other people's business alone!!! Cindy was the most beautiful woman I ever saw in my minds eye I see her warm loving smile and red hair. If she came back I would do most anything she ask yes I never stopped loving her. We were married in the early 1980 Susan and I married in 1979 so I might have not been ready. Cindy and I had two wonderful months and two days together. I was not from that moment when mother sent her away, going to speak to my mother, but Steve Stover talked me into relenting.

Cindy Thomas came along we were married I think in 1982 and were married 13 years. Right after the marriage Cindy went to a doctor and was told she had Gonorrhea. I was checked by my doctor for it Dr. Turmbull he said the test was clear that I was not infected. Cindy claimed Virginity too. My father said bull shit she is the one that had it not you. I feel now like I was a cuckold during our marriage. She got her tubes tide after Emily was born. We were living in North Carolina at the time. We did this because she said to me that I would be down at least two weeks if I had my self fixed and we needed the income. She had a college degree too. All she has been is a convenience store clerk. I was a welder.

She said 13 years and not a good day in it.

Gloria Caveat a retired Air Force black woman I would almost give my soul to have her back. I love her still. I did ask her to marry me too. Another black woman I cant recall her name left me for a guy in Houston taxes I too ask her for marriage.

Looking back over old papers and things it seems one of my major problems was not having enough God of this world(MONEY) I just read a letter from Cindy green the 1^st and she said she only opened it hoping I sent money. Then there is the letter where Emily my daughter says she hates me because I did not get her a boom box.

I guess The GOD Hasheem, his son Asuah have decided I have ran though my chances and now from 58 till death will be lonely. I can't really blame them except for a gripe being saddled with Bi Polar and ADD up until 42 I think I was non medicated then it took another 10 years to find out the right medications. And giving me to Johan Green and J.W. Green as parents. I wish now I would have been born dead.

Mothers Influence in Son's Lives

There is a cartoon I saw today on Tumbler. It showed a woman with a wedding vale on and stockings being sexed by two black men one on each end. It showed a very small thin man with his hands obviously tide behind his back and in a chair next to him his mother sipping Champagne.: With the caption that read “It's important for you to learn right away what your place is in a marriage, honey. Just like it was when your father and I got married.

   Mothers have a direct affect on their sons lives. Back before all of this political correctness and the psychological community considered “Homosexuality” a problem it was thought that boys who had domineering mothers like this became “Homosexuals”. I do not know. What I can prove is Cary Grant was married 5 times. He was told as a child his mother died. His father had her put into an institution, Carry Grant found her when he was 30' something.

Jack Nicloleson was raised thinking his mother was his “Sister” he has not had a solid long term relationship in his life. I no longer visit my mother and do not communicate with her either. She is 81 and has been like that mother sipping Champagne a dictator in my life. She does not know that the mere sight and sound of her brings up memories of what might, could, should, and lost people in my life. It FUCKING HURTS TO SEE HER!

I would like to say if I was that man on my knees with my hands tied behind me watching others consummate my marriage, I want to say if they let my hands loose and when the men leave I would deck my mother and walk out on my wife to fie for an annulment. I know the truth is something else.

I want to say that the two men should be charged with some crime as the wife and the mother. Then all of them have all external sexual genitalia removed. Yes I mean the men loose their cocks and balls. The woman loose the clitoris and all tissues associated with pleasure plus a radical mastectomy that leaves but 1/4” of skin above the rib cage.

You think I am too harsh ok I have 5 marriages 4 grown children and grand children. Three of these children three know of my existence. One whose Church of Christ family had me removed from the birth certificate does not acknowledge me. If I were in control in 1954 my mother could have been secured upside down with a funnel and a ten foot hose on it held above her vagina the hose going into her womb and filled with cum she would have not gotten pregnant.

The 4 people in this cartoon are going to leave a tornado's destruction in there wake. This “MOTHER” has fucked mentally and emotionally one child already. The wife is going to continue that with the husband and any children she has. If she is by some miracle not made pregnant then she will screw her white children's lives up. The two black men are going to slap each other on the back to the “GANSTER” shit and continue fucking up people.

If what I propose happens at least it stops here, with these four people. If this wife and his mother plus the two men are handled very harshly such as loosing all genitalia associated with sexual pleasure, this sends a message. The message is to stop or go hide to do this it is not legal human behavior. For more prof of a mothers influence in the son's life look up ED GUINN, the inspiration pattern for Hannibal and Psycho those two movies also perhaps for

Texas Chain saw Massacre. Only ED GUINN was a real person and a real police case in the late 1940's. With a real SCREWED MOTHER mentally.